Chance
by OhMyWord
Summary: “If you had to stop traveling, where would you set down roots?” He tilted his head to one side and looked at me thoughtfully. After a while he said, “here, I think.”
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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One

Sometimes I think that bad luck follows me, like it's grown attached to me or something. No matter what I do, there it is.

I think bad luck needs therapy, or at least a new hobby.

When I got to the offices of The Herald, it wasn't quite raining yet but I could tell it was coming. So I couldn't really say why I didn't bring my umbrella, not that it has any bearing whatsoever on what was going to happen; I just thought I'd mention it. Anyway, I had a job interview for a copy editor position. I really didn't think I was going to get it and that was the positive attitude I brought with me. Seriously though, I had no experience in the field and my last job was in an art gallery, but you need to start somewhere, right?

My interviewer was this woman who was a bit of a talker, but I didn't mind. When I get nervous I have this tendency to forget how to string basic sentences together. She asked the requisite questions and then somehow segued into her college days, her glory days as she called them. Had I mentioned something about graduating? I didn't think so, that was two years ago. She complemented my coat and I blushed; I'd bought it especially for this interview; I don't know why. It was dark grey and tied at the waist; I thought it made me look like I should be in a noir film. I have a lot of weird daydreams like that. Regardless, she seemed to like me.

It looked as though things were beginning to look up for me, today anyway. I glanced around the office as I walked toward the elevators; despite the institutional grey and the fluorescent lighting, I could see myself there. Ok, so it was a little depressing looking, but it was better than nothing.

I waited at the bank of elevators; two lit up at the same time which I only noticed because that never happens to me. Usually I take the stairs anyway. I would have tonight too, but I couldn't find them. I picked the elevator on my right and waited for the doors to slide open. There was a man already inside; he looked a little startled to see me, taking a big step over to give me more room. We were both going to the lobby. The elevator was just starting down when the lights flickered. I could feel us slowing down and I held on tighter to the rail behind me, did I mention that I'm not really a fan of elevators? Well, I'm not.

We stopped moving and the lights went out; I must have jinxed myself earlier with the whole my life is looking up thing.

I tried not to cry and closed my eyes, opened them; I couldn't tell the difference. I pressed myself as close to the wall as I could with the rail there and tried to remember what I was supposed to be focusing on. Breathing perhaps? That seemed secondary at the moment to getting the hell out of there. I don't know how noticeable my panic became, but suddenly out of the darkness came a voice. "Are you alright?" Must have been more noticeable than I thought. A dim light came on overhead; it was just enough that we could see each other. I realized then that I probably looked like I was about to jump right through the closed elevator doors. I tried to loosen my hands, but they refused to budge. The man moved closer and I could feel his eyes moving over my face. "You look pale."

He was stating the obvious. "I'm always pale."

"I'm Edward. What's your name?"

"Bella."

"Do you work here?"

I tried to pay enough attention to process his questions. "I just had a job interview at The Herald."

"Oh, what department?"

"Uh, I don't know, a copy editor position." My answer seemed clear enough to me. My hands still gripped the railing, but I could feel my heart slowing down.

"Have you worked at a newspaper before?"

What was with the questions? I finally looked him in the eyes; they were a bright shade of green. He had a handsome face, but it had an edge to it, a hardness or something. He had a world weariness about his features, like he'd seen more than his fair share of sadness. His hair was disheveled, like he'd just woken up. "No."

"Where'd you work before?"

I felt one hand begin to loosen and I raised it up in front of me; it looked like a claw. Before I could stretch it out he took it between his own hands and pressed; it felt like he was kneading bread dough. "Um, what was – oh…an art gallery." I let go with my other hand and he switched to that one. "Thanks, but you don't –"

He let go and smiled partway, "I was just trying to keep you from having a panic attack. You didn't exactly look steady."

I wasn't sure how to take that, but I didn't feel like arguing in such close quarters. "Thanks." I had said that twice now in a matter of a couple minutes. "Are we stuck?"

"Seems that way," he moved to the panel on the wall; there was a phone receiver for just such an occasion. Edward talked to someone on the other end quietly. After a minute he muttered a quick "thank you" and hung up. "If it makes you feel any better, we're not the only ones stuck in an elevator tonight. The power is out all over the place. Sorry." He said it genuinely, as if he could have prevented my discomfort. "The guy said they were working on getting things running again, but he couldn't really say how long it would be. They're running lights on a backup generator right now, but that's all."

I tried to stay calm. Ok, fact one – I wasn't going anywhere for at least a little while. Fact two – I'm terrified of elevators, actually most enclosed spaces in general. Fact three – I'm stuck in here with an obscenely gorgeous man that seemed to be acting as a nice mediating factor bringing down my fear to more manageable levels. Edward interrupted my train of thought by sitting down; he looked up at me, like he was waiting to see what I'd do. I stared back at him for a moment and then sat down too; he smiled as if he'd won something. "Do you work at the paper too?"

He leaned back and bumped his head on the rail. "No, I work at Traveler," he touched the back of his head. Traveler took up the fifth floor of the building; if I got a job here I'd be on the third.

"Are you a writer?" I was suddenly very interested.

"Yeah, I don't really come in regularly though, just once a month or so to hand in drafts. So I guess it's serendipity," he gestured around the elevator. I couldn't tell whether he was being sarcastic.

"Do you get to travel all over the world? That must be an incredible way to live."

"My last assignment was in Dubai, the one before that was South Carolina; so where I go really just depends on where they want me. I think it's my turn now. Why did you go from an art gallery to a newspaper?"

I bit my lip, wondering how in depth I was going to take this. "Art was the plan basically; it had always been the plan. And then one day I woke up and realized that it wasn't what I wanted to do, you know what I mean?" He nodded. "So I quit my job and started looking for something I loved. I know I want to write for sure and…well, you've got to start somewhere." That was quickly becoming my mantra.

"What's your favorite color?" He grinned slightly.

"I thought it was my turn?"

"You asked me three questions, I only got one."

"Ok, green." I said it too quickly. I could feel the heat rising into my face and I looked down.

"What?"

"That counts as a question."

He chuckled and stretched his legs out, crossing them loosely at the ankle. "So I guess it's your turn then."

"If you had to stop traveling, where would you set down roots?"

He tilted his head to one side and looked at me thoughtfully. After a while he said, "here, I think."

I leaned forward slightly, "why?"

"Nope, you're taking my turn again. What's your favorite holiday?"

"Christmas, why here?"

"I like the Pacific Northwest, the rain, the real seasons. Why Christmas?"

"I don't know, I like giving people things I guess. I like to see their reactions. Guilty pleasures?"

"Hmm," he looked at me as though he was debating on telling me the truth, "old scary B movies." He smiled boyishly. "Val Lewton is my favorite, I don't think you'd classify him as B though, but I'm biased. Biggest pet peeve?"

"People that lack common courtesy, definitely. If you –"

Before I could say anything, the main lights came back on. I felt a vague sense of disappointment as the elevator descended the rest of the way to the lobby. Edward cleared his throat, "looks like you've been given a reprieve... Can I ask you something?" I looked up at him and raised my eyebrows. "Why didn't you take the stairs?"

"I didn't know where they were." I smiled lightly.

"Well I'm glad; it wouldn't have been as nice in there by myself." He smiled halfway as the doors opened.

He let me step out first; I took a big breath of air. "Thanks for getting my mind off things in there. I probably would have had a fit if I'd been alone."

"It was nothing –"

"It meant something to me, really," I looked at him pointedly. "So, will you be back here in a month then?"

"I'll be going to Peru in a week. I'll be there for a couple weeks." He shrugged like he'd run out of things to say.

"Maybe I'll see you around here after that, if I get the job." I put on my brave face and stuck my hand out. "It was nice meeting you."

He shook my hand, looking at our joined hands for a moment before looking at my face, "it was nice meeting you, Bella." He left then, taking a side exit that led to the garage. I walked out the big, glass front door and flipped up the collar on my jacket. The rainy season had officially begun.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews; I appreciate it a lot.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Two

Truth, it wasn't the first time I'd ever seen her.

The first time was at a bookstore; it was raining and she came in with a newspaper over her head. Her dark blue sweater was damp and it clung to her skin in a way that became impossible to forget. The newsprint had smudged onto her fingertips, but she didn't seem to mind. She went to the fiction section and browsed the entire thing, head to the side, for almost an hour before picking out one book. Nobody talked to her and she didn't talk to anybody. There was something about her, a sort of resigned loneliness; a look that said she'd accepted her fate.

I couldn't bring myself to say hello; I didn't want to bother her. And I figured someone like her would want nothing to do with me.

I brushed off seeing her and went back to my life; I went to Dubai, but for reasons I'm not clear about I couldn't quite get her face out of my head. Here was a woman I'd seen once; I didn't know her name, the way she sounded when she spoke, but I felt like a man obsessed. After a while, I forced myself to tune it out.

The second time I saw her was at a movie theatre. They were doing a midnight showing of Vertigo; a movie a friend of mine said my life wasn't complete without seeing. I went and settled in my seat, getting comfortable for the first time in weeks when I saw her come in. She was with another person, a shy, quiet looking girl that held the popcorn. They sat two rows directly in front of me. Needless to say, I couldn't tell you the plot of the movie if my life depended on it.

After the movie was done, I lingered near them, trying to hear her speak. Her voice was light, with an undercurrent of dryness that I found attractively amusing.

The third time I saw her was in the elevator. At the moment it stopped moving, I decided I couldn't ignore things any longer. It was like "they" were pushing us together, whoever "they" were. I was consumed with a woman I'd never met, I was thinking fate wanted us to be together and I was seriously beginning to doubt my sanity. But sitting in that elevator; I was just happy to be in her orbit. The fact that I actually got to speak to her, touch her, was another matter entirely.

In the end, I decided not to take it any further. I couldn't imagine her wanting to be around me any more than she already was. She had looked so relieved to be out in the lobby.

The day before I was scheduled to leave for Peru; I changed my mind about her. I'm not sure what made me do it. I was going through all my travel papers when I started thinking about how Bella would probably enjoy this trip; everything there was so rich with history and culture. I also had a feeling she didn't do much traveling. Would she go with me? No, that's ridiculous; she'd think I was a lunatic. At the very least I could talk to her again, if I could find her before I left. She'd remember me, wouldn't she? I didn't know, but it was worth a shot.

The problem was I had no idea where to find her.

My packing finished, I made a stop at The Herald. I went to the third floor and asked for Bella, but the receptionist said no such person worked there. The paper was my only idea really. After that, I wandered around on foot hoping that dumb luck would help me. It was beginning to get dark when I gave up and started heading toward home. I made a quick stop to get a cup of coffee; Bella was in line, two people ahead of me. Naturally. I cursed myself for being suddenly nervous; this was what I'd been hoping for. I left my apartment to look for her, remember? As I worked up the nerve to talk to her, I realized that she wasn't alone. A man approached, tall with blonde hair on the longer side; he touched her back in a way that told me they weren't just friends.

I felt stupid for staring, but that's all I could do.

I watched them interact and noticed something strange. Bella didn't seem comfortable. She would only look him in the eye for quick moments before training her gaze back to the floor and she made no move to touch him back. I also saw that she seemed to lean just slightly away from him. The guy, on the other hand, was totally at ease. He leaned into her space, keeping a hand on her at all times. I couldn't tell if it was possibly a first or second date, or if they were fighting and the guy had yet to realize it.

They ordered their coffee, paid, and then moved out of line to wait for it. As I moved up a space in line, I was close enough that I could hear them talking. It sounded like they were going to a party or something; it was hard to tell.

"I thought I'd wear the blue one, it's warmer and we'll be outside all–"

"Wear the black," he touched her cheek lightly. "You look so beautiful in it."

"But it's strapless –"

They were interrupted by a woman behind the counter telling them their drinks were ready. I had just ordered and was standing at the pick-up counter trying to be inconspicuous, but they would have to walk right up to me in order to get their coffee. I could tell she recognized me right away; she looked brighter. Could I have made her-? I brushed the thought off before I could finish thinking it. Cup in hand, she smiled and took a step toward me. Her whatever-he-was glanced in my direction before trailing behind her.

"Edward, hi," her smile was genuine; it made me feel warmer.

"Hey Bella, how are you?"

"Good, I thought you were leaving the country?" She seemed oblivious to the guy she was with.

"I am tomorrow," the guy cleared his throat.

"Oh, this is James," she said in a rush. He put his left arm over her shoulders.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Edward," I put my hand out to shake his; his grip was just this side of being too tight, like he saw me as a potential threat. He smiled and nodded once.

The moment became awkward and I was a little relieved when the barista called my name. I quietly excused myself, saying that I hoped we'd run into each other again when I got back in two weeks.

I didn't realize how overcome I was until after I saw her walk away. She was with someone else. Any real hope I had, no matter how farfetched, was gone. I was suddenly grateful that I was leaving.

The flight from my Pacific Northwest home to Lima, Peru is long, about fourteen hours long. Made even longer by the prison of my mind. I went through all possible scenarios, even the most irrational ones…especially the most irrational ones. It was doubtful that it was a first date, judging from the part of the conversation I heard, they knew each other at least marginally well. I thought of what they were talking about; they were going to some sort of party I was pretty sure. Something struck me as off about the way he talked to her. It wasn't exactly controlling, but it was like he already knew she would do what he wanted. I didn't have much experience with women, but I've never told one what to wear; so I couldn't tell if that was normal or not anyway. And then there was the way she looked when she saw me. I could swear the whole room got a little brighter. However, my mind was now probably exaggerating things to an epic level. I knew one thing for sure, she wasn't comfortable with him. I saw her in the elevator on the edge of a meltdown and then I saw her relaxed, or what I hoped was her relaxed. What I saw at the coffee shop was not the same Bella I'd seen a few days before; she seemed uptight which didn't suit her at all.

I decided then that I was going to find out what was wrong. At the very least, I could be a friend.

Couldn't I?


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Three

James moved in a week ago today. I remember because it was the day before I saw Edward at the coffee shop. It was kind of funny, funny in a strange way I mean, how I had started keeping time based on Edward. As in, Edward was going to be back in town in nine days.

But I couldn't think about that; James was living with me now. We were moving forward, apparently. Although I can't really remember having the let's move in together conversation. We'd talked about my dire financial situation, how I wasn't going to be able to afford my apartment much longer. Then the next thing I knew, I was helping him unpack boxes in my living room. He told me not to worry about money; he could take care of me. And he had ever since he first asked me out. So I didn't really mind when he made decisions for the both of us; if this was my lot in life it wasn't all that bad.

I found out on the 24th of October, a Friday, that I didn't get the job at the newspaper; that was the day before Edward was scheduled to come home. The stupid thing was, when I got the call the first thing I thought was, this means I won't run into Edward at work. I left that unexplored and spent the day at home in my pajamas, writing. James was at work all day. I never used to think about my time alone until I lost it. Now I have his work schedule memorized.

On Saturday I found myself strangely excited; James thought it was because of him. I let him think so because it put him in a better mood. I made us breakfast even though I don't normally eat it and then James told me he was going to be out all day; he had a friend that was just moving here from California and he needed help unpacking. I planned on enjoying the time to myself; after a while though I realized that I was pretty boring. I watched a movie, cleaned, tried to start a new book, watched another movie and then wandered around my apartment for a while. James called somewhere in there to tell me he was going out for a drink and wouldn't be home until late.

By eight o'clock I was sick of being inside, so I went out for dinner. Ok yes, going out to dinner alone sounds pretty sad even to me, but that's how bored I was. I went to a quiet little Italian place downtown; it wasn't raining for once and a few couples sat at the outdoor tables positioned around the entrance despite the chill. They sat me outside as well, not exactly because I wanted them to, but it was busy and the only free smaller tables were outside. So I sat outside and watched the couples leaning in toward each other, sharing food, and looking cute enough to sufficiently depress me.

I was about halfway through my dinner when I saw Edward. He was coming up the street on my side, walking in my direction although he didn't seem to see me. I admit that I got a little overly excited to see him and when I stood up part way to wave hello, I dropped all my silverware onto the ground. I don't think it was the waving that caught his attention so much as the clattering of silver on concrete. It seemed to catch the attention of the other patrons as well. Edward stopped a couple of yards away on the other side of a low gate that separated us to look for the source of the noise, that's when he actually saw me. He smiled and put a hand up in greeting and I found myself blushing beet red. Immediately, I scooted my chair back and knelt down to pick up my dropped fork, spoon, and knife. I grabbed them and bumped my head on the table on the way back up.

I was sure that by the time I was back in my seat, Edward would be gone. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to find him standing to the side of my table, reaching a hand out to help me up. I blushed deeper and stood up without the help. "Hi," was all I could think of to say.

"Hey," he smiled sheepishly, "we never meet on purpose, but I see you everywhere."

I was still standing and people were still looking so I gestured to the chair across from me. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Sure, if that's ok," I nodded and we both sat down.

"So, how was your trip? Did you just get back?" I knew very well he'd just gotten back, but I didn't want to freak him out.

"Yeah, this morning. I slept most of the day, so I'm all backwards now." The waiter came then and delivered new sets of silverware and a menu for Edward.

"How was it?" I picked up my fork and then set it down again; it felt rude to eat in front of him.

"Go ahead, I don't mind. It was incredible, there's so much to see I feel like I barely scratched the surface. It'll make for a good article I hope."

The waiter came back then and took Edward's order; he was being exceptionally courteous considering we were probably now going to hold the table for much longer than originally planned, so he earned a few extra dollars in tip money from me. "So, what have you been up to these last couple of weeks?"

"Well, James, my boyfriend, moved in right before you left for Peru," I didn't mean to, but I let out a sigh. "And I didn't get the job at The Herald." I wasn't sure why I was telling him this, but it was like I couldn't stop myself. "But it's alright I guess, James said that he could take care of our money stuff. And it gives me more time to write." I looked up from my plate and he was staring.

He glanced down at the candle between us, "you write?"

"Yeah, short stories mostly. And I'm working on something longer right now; I'm almost done with it." I had brightened considerably; my writing was the one thing I didn't mind sharing about myself. "I have no idea what I'll do with it when I'm done; I just really liked writing it." I was talking too much.

"What's it about?" He was staring at me again in a way that made me shift in my seat. He was holding his spoon perpendicular to the table, spinning it between his thumb and forefinger.

"A girl that moves across the country for a guy and then their relationship falls apart. It's basically about starting over all by yourself." I paused, "I feel like I'm monopolizing the conversation."

"I don't mind; I think you're interesting." He grinned at me and I found myself smiling back. It was something I didn't get called very often and I told him so. "Well, you are."

The conversation smoothed out after that. He told me about his childhood, moving from state to state every few years which seemed to have inspired his wanderlust. I told him about my parents being divorced, how it ended up being better for all of us. We had a glass of wine with dessert; I very rarely had either so it was a satisfying change of pace. Despite my protests, Edward insisted on paying his half of the bill; I paid my half which I hadn't done in a while.

Once we finished dinner, we took a walk around a part of downtown. It felt a little too much like a date and I started feeling like maybe I was sending out the wrong signals. I had told him about James, but would that make a difference? I shook my head at the thought; Edward wasn't that kind of person. Something happened on our walk though, like a shift in our relationship, if you could call what we had a relationship at this point. All night we kept moving closer, like we were these orbiting bodies whose gravitational pull was getting stronger and stronger. Or maybe I just think too much.

After a long while of talking, we decided to call it a night. Edward walked me back to my car; I offered to drive him to his car but he said he'd walked. When I said I'd drive him home, sounding a little over eager to myself, he chuckled and said yes. He ended up living a couple of blocks over, but I was just happy to have a little more time with him, even if it was less than five minutes. I pulled up in front of his building and felt like a teenager; Edward played with the buckle of his seat belt, looking like he wanted to say something. Then he undid the buckle and opened the door.

Leaning out of the car, he turned his head back to face me. "Can I see you again? Not on accident?"

I tried not to smile too big. "Sure." He had a card, an honest to goodness business card that he handed to me with his cell phone number on it. He didn't ask for my number back, which made me feel a little relieved. I didn't want to have to explain to James about why some man he didn't know was calling me. Not that I had anything to hide. We said goodbye and I waited until he was inside before driving away.

I could feel myself toeing the line between my regular life and something else then, something that made my heart race.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Four

I didn't know what I was doing. It had been two weeks since I'd been back and I'd basically accomplished what I set out to do; Bella and I were friends. But we were becoming more than that and neither of us wanted to admit it out loud. Nothing had happened of course and I was trying to keep it that way, but it was becoming more and more difficult.

I wanted her.

Further than that though, I wanted her to be with me. That thought started creeping into my head on Halloween of all days. Bella and I had been seeing each other almost every day, but James had made plans for them to go to a party on Halloween. So I sat at home with the night to myself. It started as the innocent enough thought that I wished Bella was around. Which moved naturally into the what would I do if she _was_ here territory, that temporarily led to way too many explicit thoughts of all the places in my apartment we could have sex. It wasn't the desire for sex with her that had become almost overwhelming though, it was that I wanted her in _all _ways. I think I knew that all along, but now it was beginning to feel right. Now all I could think about was how to make that happen and the obligatory dreaded question, does she feel the same way about me?

One thing I was positive about was that she didn't belong with James. It seemed so obvious to me, I was surprised she couldn't see it. He had this hold on her that set my teeth on edge; she would do anything he said and he knew it. I could tell simply by the stories she told me, how she never really seemed to know where he was, but he always knew where she was. Although I wasn't sure how forthcoming she was being about us. I think she thought that because he was paying for everything she owed him something; so she did everything he asked of her. She seemed to be afraid of losing him, but the funny thing was, she never wanted to spend any time with him. It didn't look like she did, at least. She would look at the time when we were together and this expression would cross her face that was hard to describe. Everything would sort of fall, like she was remembering bad news. It made me want to touch her and put everything back into place.

By mid-November I could tell I was beginning to lose my hold on myself. I didn't want to make waves for her, so I had been keeping quiet about my feelings about her relationship and ours. But it was in the air between us like static. I could feel a current in every accidental touch and it took everything I had not to ask if she felt it too. This was torture.

No matter if she wanted me or not though, I wanted her to be happy. I could live with the rest.

I had a quick trip to Washington a few days before Thanksgiving; Bella was going with James to visit his family for the holiday and she was leaving the day I was due back. This meant I wouldn't see her for a week. The week before my trip I only saw her once, when I asked her what she'd been up to she mumbled something about James wanting her to stay home more and then changed the subject. I ruminated on that for the better part of my trip. I didn't see her again until the first weekend in December. At that point I knew she'd told James about me; I was fairly certain that was why I hadn't seen her.

Bella called me that Saturday and apologized for being so absent the last few weeks and asked if she could come over. She said James was away for the night out of town and then she apologized again. It was late afternoon so I told her to come over and have dinner with me; I hoped she could hear the smile in my voice. After we hung up, I went into my kitchen to see what I could make; it left quite a bit to be desired. I decided to make a quick run to the grocery store even though I had no idea what to buy. To be honest, I'm not much of a cook. I can pick it up pretty quickly, but I rarely have reason to do so. I wandered aimlessly down the aisles, trying to figure out what would be easy enough for me to make, but difficult enough to impress her. When I couldn't find anything, I bought ingredients for spaghetti, French bread, a salad to start, and wine. At least it would look fancy.

I went home and realized that I hadn't actually given myself enough time to cook. By the time I had the water boiling; Bella was knocking on my door. I grabbed a hand towel to wipe off the sauce; I was trying my hand at making my own for the spaghetti. It wasn't going well. I let Bella in and tossed the towel over my shoulder. "Hi Bella."

"Hey," she walked in and paused, "are you cooking?"

"I was attempting to, feel like helping a novice out?" I smiled brightly to convince her. I was more excited than necessary that she was here.

"Sure," she shrugged out of her coat and I took it, hanging it off the back of the couch. She looked a little off, tired. When I turned back around I noticed she had circles under her eyes. But she seemed upbeat though I couldn't tell if it was an act or not. We walked into the kitchen and she studied the mess I had made of everything. Pushing up her sleeves, she grabbed a large spoon and stirred the noodles and then tasted the sauce. "You're not doing too bad really," she grinned at me. I noticed she was wearing a watch, which she never did, on her right hand. It looked like a men's watch and was much too large for her delicate wrist. When she set the spoon back down on the counter, the watch slid forward revealing a light bruise that looked like it circled almost all the way around. I grabbed her forearm as softly as I could manage with my rising anger. I pushed the watch out of the way to study her arm; the bruise looked a few days old. I couldn't tell what might leave a mark like that, but it looked deliberate to me.

She let me study it for a moment before pulling her hand away and shaking her long sleeve back over it. "What happened?" I asked carefully, trying not to let my tension show. I clenched my hands into fists at my sides.

Bella laughed half heartedly, "it's nothing." She looked me in the eye, "seriously." I could tell it was more than nothing.

"Bella," I stopped to breathe. "Bella, did James…" I trailed off; I couldn't finish. I didn't want it to be true even if it would give me an excuse to kill him.

"No!" She said quickly and then bit her lip. "Not directly I mean, it was…it wasn't on purpose, ok?"

I huffed a sarcastic laugh and took a step back, "give me a break! An accident?!" I was going to hunt him down and-

"That came out wrong. Edward, honestly, it's stupid. It's from having too much weight around my wrist ok? I only said it wasn't James directly because he wouldn't help me hold anything. It's not even worth talking about. It's from the strap of a bag, alright?" She sounded exasperated. She had been at the airport just a week ago and I wondered if that's what she meant. "It's from my carry on," she said quietly, looking down. "I was holding too many bags; James' mom had given us some things."

She seemed inordinately upset, which was a lot coming from me. I wasn't sure if there was something else or if she was mad at me for jumping to conclusions. She had no reason to lie to me, so I decided to let it go, mostly. I took a step closer and put my hand under her chin, making her look me in the eye. "I'm sorry. I'm just-"I searched for the right word, "protective. And I care about you." I was still touching her. We stared at each other and something passed between us that made her take a step back.

Bella looked down again and worried her lower lip between her teeth. "Dinner?" She asked, turning toward the stove. I nodded in agreement even though she wasn't looking anymore and took the things for the salad out of the fridge. We worked together in silence for a while, studiously avoiding touching each other at the small counter space. "Which would you rather do, spend the night out or in?" She asked after a while.

I glanced at her and smiled halfway, "it depends on who I'm with."

"Me."

"Then it wouldn't matter where we were." I put the large salad bowl and dressing on my kitchen table. "Favorite sport?"

"Anything that doesn't involve me."

I looked up at her with a smirk, "not an athlete?"

"Not even a little bit, unless maiming myself and others is considered athletic. Go ahead and sit, this is almost finished." I grabbed the plates and silverware before sitting down, arranging them on the table. I faced her and waited for another question. "When was the last time you went on a trip that didn't involve work?"

I had to think about that. "I don't remember," that was a little sad. She walked over and sat down, gesturing for me to take some salad. I filled my plate and thought about my next question. "When was the last time you were really happy?"

I watched her swallow before answering; she bit the inside of her mouth lightly before smiling crookedly. "I'm happy now." She looked back down at her plate. We ate without talking after that; it was a thoughtful rather than awkward silence. I got up and opened the bottle of wine while she served spaghetti and bread onto both plates. It was quiet through the meal and I was starting to worry that she was uncomfortable. We finished most of our glasses and our meal before she spoke again. "I'm glad I'm here." I tilted my head, watching her, waiting for her to continue. "Things have been…difficult. I've never really been in a relationship this serious." She reached for the bottle of wine and poured herself another glass.

"Do you want to sit in the living room?" I grabbed the wine bottle to put it away and then gathered the dishes and put everything in the sink. When I turned, Bella was sitting on the couch staring into her glass. "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to." I sat down next to her, close enough that our bodies skimmed each other.

She sighed heavily, "I don't know what to do." She relaxed into the couch and took another sip of wine, "I'm not happy Edward, with him...but I'm dependent on him." She stared at her glass as if it had some answers for her.

"You're not dependent on him, Bella. If you're not happy –"

"I don't have a job –"

"You'll find one."

"He pays for everything."

"That can change; I can help if you want –"

"I'd never ask you for that. I have this book, I finished it by the way, and I don't know what to do with it. It could be something big, you know? And I'm too scared to do anything about it." She leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

I turned my head to face her, resting back into the cushions. "I'm here for you, no matter what you decide to do." She smiled halfway and set her glass down on the table before leaning back and resting her head on my shoulder.

"Thank you for being…so…you."

I let her rest like that for a while, unsure of what to say.

"Bella –"I glanced down and saw that she'd fallen asleep. I moved a loose strand of hair back away from her face, staring at her. "I'm in love with you."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Five

I was falling for Edward.

Correction, I had fallen for Edward; fallen for him in this miserable, complicated way that I've never felt about anyone. It was exhilarating and absolutely maddening and I had no idea what to do about it. If anything.

I was in a relationship already. A steady relationship. We were living together for goodness sake. Even if I wasn't exactly happy, I wasn't exactly unhappy either. I was dependent on James and I owed him so much, I couldn't just leave him for someone else. He wasn't a bad guy; he just liked things a certain way and I could get used to that. He'd done so much for me, giving up his apartment, taking on a good majority of my bills; I had it easy by comparison. So what if he didn't help me hold the bags at the airport, that's such a small thing.

And another thing, even if I did decide to turn my life upside down, who's to say Edward wants the same thing?

I felt like I was trying too hard to convince myself.

I was also starting to realize something, how had I gotten here? I let my boyfriend pay my bills for me. I've never done that before; I don't even like asking for help when I'm lost. Had I asked him to do that? No, I shook my head; he'd offered and I didn't challenge him. I never challenged him. I sat on the couch late Monday afternoon mulling this over; James was still at work.

None of the things that have ever happened between me and James involved any decision making on my part; I just let it all happen. It bothered me, this wasn't the type of person I was or wanted to be. What I told Edward was true, I wasn't happy with James.

I was happy when I was with Edward.

But I had gotten in too deep. I was at a point now where I didn't know how to extricate myself. This was a mess.

I decided to give things with James one more chance; I felt I owed him at least that much.

When he got home, I was still sitting on the couch, trying to find the right words. He came inside and kicked off his shoes by the door, then walked into the living room, tossing his jacket on the recliner he'd brought with him when he moved in. He collapsed on the couch next to me. "Hey," he leaned down to rest his head on my shoulder.

"How was your day?"

"The usual, you know. Craig was pissed off at everything, threatened to quit again."

I took a big breath, "I want to tell you something." I turned so we could face each other. "You know I've been writing…well, I wrote something. I mean I finished something…a book. I wrote a book. It's, well I hope…that it's good. I was wondering if maybe you'd read it? Tell me what you think?" That was so much smoother sounding in my head.

"You wrote a book?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I've been working on it for a really long time. It'd mean a lot to me if you-"

"Do you know how difficult it is to get published? Especially a first book, practically impossible." I could feel the tears sting my eyes, but I was trying to hold back. He kissed my forehead, "don't be upset. I'm sorry. Of course I'll read your story." That wasn't exactly what I was hoping he'd say. He leaned back against the cushions then, "I need a nap; I'm exhausted."

In that moment I felt all the disappointment, everything he had ever put me through coming to the surface. I had this sudden sensation that I was about to say something I might regret if I stayed there with him. I stood up, "I'm meeting a friend for dinner. Sorry I forgot to tell you earlier."

"Are you leaving now? That's an early dinner." He stretched out to lay down. "Come home early, ok? We can celebrate."

"Celebrate what?" I looked at him blankly.

"Your book," he grinned and then closed his eyes. I let out an uncomfortable laugh and went to get my coat. My eyes watered and my vision blurred as I walked out the door, bumping my shoulder into the door frame. I ignored it and kept walking toward my car. Once inside, I realized I'd forgotten my cell phone; I hoped he wouldn't mind me dropping by. Why was I going to see him? I had other friends, people I'd known for years that lived here. I knew though that he was the only person in the world I wanted to see.

I pulled up in front of his building and parked. By the time I was at his front door, I was having second thoughts. Should I be doing this? He answered before I could think anything through. "Bella, hi." He tilted his head and leaned forward in this way he always did when he was waiting for me to say something. "Are you alright?" He opened the door wider to let me in. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him about it; I didn't want to dump my problems on him, especially my guy problems.

"Just one of those days, you know." I tried to keep my voice from shaking, but he seemed to notice anyway. "Are you busy? I'm sorry I didn't call. I can leave if you want," I took a step backward toward the door, feeling a little ridiculous.

"I wasn't doing anything," he stepped forward, trying to catch my gaze. "Stay with me."

I looked up at him and slipped off my coat; he took it from me and put it in the same place as he did the other night. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Anything?" He raised his eyebrows in question.

"No, I'm fine." I felt wooden; I didn't know what to do with myself.

"Let's sit down," he padded over to the couch; his dark socks were the same color as mine. He sat down and shifted to face me. I sat in a mirrored position. I could tell he was waiting for me to speak.

I was aiming for casual. "I finished my book."

"You mentioned that the other night, but I didn't think it was the best time to talk about it then." He expression changed, became unsure, "I'm really happy for you. I wanted to ask you then, well a couple of things actually." He looked down at his hands for a moment and then met my eyes, smiling part way, "can I read it?"

The question took me by surprise; I hadn't thought he cared enough to ask. "Yeah, that'd be…yeah of course." I felt my heart beat faster, this was why I'd come here. "You said you wanted to ask a couple of things?"

"Yeah, I don't know how you'd feel about this, but…you see, I have friends in publishing, I'm actually working on putting some articles together into a book. I wouldn't have to work at the magazine anymore and…well anyway I might be able to get someone to look at your book. I don't want to overstep things here but, I don't know, I wanted to help." He looked like he wanted to smile, but wasn't sure how I'd react to his offer.

I sat quietly and mulled it over, although I already knew what I was going to say. "That's more than…I could've asked for. You don't have to do that, you know."

"It's not like you're going to owe me one, Bella." He stared at me; actually it felt like he was staring through me.

"Ok," I let out a held breath, smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Thank you." I moved closer and wrapped my arms around his neck; he seemed surprised by the gesture, but not unwilling. I knew the tears were coming before I felt them clouding my vision, but I couldn't do anything to stop them. I pulled Edward tighter, comforted by his solid embrace, trying to get a hold of myself. He scooted closer and moved a hand up, running his fingertips over the back of my head, through my hair.

I burst into tears.

He didn't say anything for a short while. When I could feel some semblance of composure coming back to me I realized that I was in his lap. A blush began working its way from my face to my neck and I buried my face into him, which didn't help. Quickly, I wiped my tears away and tried to pull away, but his grip held me to him. I covered my face with my hands, mature I know. "I'm sorry, I'm…I'm so embarrassed. I, I've got to go." I tried to stand again, but he wouldn't let go.

"It's ok."

"No, I shouldn't have dumped this on you – I don't know why I do that, I-"

"You haven't said anything."

"I cried in front of you, I'm sitting…Oh God…" I feel like I'd sunk to a new low. He deserved better than this weepy, pitiful thing I was becoming. I stood up and he didn't stop me. "I'm sorry and…and thank you for helping if you're still going to and I didn't mean for you to see this and…and you're so great and I'm sorry. I don't deserve - I've got to go." I rushed toward the door before I could say anything else to further mortify myself. I turned the handle and opened the door about six inches before it slammed shut. I raised my eyes and saw his right arm reaching over my shoulder, hand pressed firmly to the door. I was too nervous to turn around. I could feel his breath on my neck; his chest barely skimming my back.

"Please don't go," he murmured into my ear. Edward dropped his hand from the door as if he was giving me a choice to run or stay. He made the smallest of movements backward and I felt the loss of his body immediately. "He doesn't deserve you." Edward said it so quietly I didn't know if I was meant to hear.

I stood frozen in place, my mind working overtime. What was he saying? Very slowly, I turned to face him. His eyes were dark, his posture possessive; he took a step toward me, waiting for me to say something. We were almost touching; I reached up and touched his shirt like written somewhere on there was the right thing to do. Tentatively, I moved closer, feeling his heart under my palm. I looked up at him and that was all he needed. He wrapped an arm around my waist and raised me up slightly as he leaned down to meet me. The kiss was surprisingly soft and it occurred to me that maybe he'd been waiting for this. My mind went blank though when I felt his tongue reach out to taste my bottom lip. With his arm still around me tightly, he moved his other hand into my hair. I put my arms around him and pulled him closer.

I knew I should have stopped, that it would have been the right thing to do, but at that moment; I didn't care.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

I hope everybody that's old enough voted!

* * *

Six

I stopped myself, what else was I supposed to do? The whole time I was kissing her, I couldn't deny the voice in my head screaming "you're taking advantage of her!" It was obvious she was in a state and as much as she acted like she wanted me; I knew she'd regret it later.

Not a second has gone by that I wish I hadn't made the other choice.

_We were molded into each other's bodies; it was a perfect fit. I felt her hands move to the buttons of my shirt and it threw me back into reality. I let myself kiss her for another second before I grabbed her hands and moved them to her sides. "Bella, we can't," I sputtered, trying to find the right words instead of what I really wanted to say._

"_But…I, I want to…I-"_

_I let go of her hands, "it's not right. I'm taking advantage of you this way."_

"_You're not! I want this, I thought…" her thoughts trailed off. "Oh," something seemed to click for her. She stepped back and bit her lip. "Oh," she said again._

"_It's not that I don't want to, it's just-"_

_She flicked her hand up dismissively. "No, it's alright," she turned half way toward the door. "I need to go." She looked down, unwilling to meet my eyes._

"_Bella, it's not like that, I," I paused, I wanted to tell her how I felt._

"_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here." _

_She was out the door before I could stop her._

It's not like I just let her run out. I followed her out and to her car; it had started raining and we were both soaked through in seconds. I hadn't put shoes on and I could feel the tingling sensation of my feet going numb on the cold concrete. She wouldn't stop to talk to me; I could feel the rejection she must have felt coming off her in waves. She shrugged off my attempts to touch her, saying it was no big deal, telling me to go inside before I got pneumonia. She apologized again, saying she shouldn't have put me in that position.

And then she was gone.

I thought I could give her time to sort through things before I went to see her. I forced myself to let a week pass and then I showed up on her doorstep. I knocked and waited, knocked again. James answered in jeans and nothing else. "Uh, is Bella around?"

"Are you…Ed-Edmund?"

"Edward."

"Yeah, that's what I meant. No, she's staying at Angela's."

I heard a door open at the back of the apartment, but it wasn't Bella that came striding out. A girl with a mass of dark curls came into the living room in what I assumed to be James' t-shirt. She stood and stared at me uncertainly, then moved her gaze to James' back; he didn't turn around. "Oh."

"Yeah, no problem," he started to close the door.

"Do you know where-" he shut it before I could ask where Angela lived. I was half tempted to knock again just so I could punch him in the face when he answered, but I held that at bay.

I called information for an address, but Angela wasn't listed. I went home and tried to come up with a new idea.

I saw her two days later at the little Italian place we first had dinner together. She was at an outdoor table by herself. I felt my heart beat faster and I couldn't help but stare at her. She looked better, less tired than when I last saw her. She turned her water glass absently in her hands as I stepped off the curb. A man approached her; he was tall with short blonde hair and a friendly expression. She stood up when he got to her table and smiled; he leaned forward and kissed her cheek, bringing her into a quick hug. I stood in the gutter, watching the scene.

She looked happy.

I took a step back onto the sidewalk and went on my way.

I'm thinking of all of this as I meet with my agent in Manhattan, of everything I would have done differently. He'd gotten publishers interested in my book idea; they're looking at the articles I've gathered about my time wandering the world. He'd started something called a floor; I think that's what he called it, where different publishers are starting to bid on my book. I don't entirely follow everything, I'm barely concentrating enough to respond at the right times.

Bella.

It's been about a month since I saw her at the restaurant, but if I hadn't looked at a calendar I probably would have said years. I was going home tomorrow, my agent said he'd let me know when he had more solid numbers to show me. I didn't really even need to come to New York in the first place, but I couldn't stand sitting around my apartment anymore.

I had an early morning the next day; I was up and on the plane by six a.m. I tried to get some rest, but my thoughts wouldn't let her go. By the time I got home, I looked like the walking dead.

I fell onto the couch with my shoes still on and passed out.

When I woke up, it was impossible to tell what time of day it was; the ever present cloud cover made sure of that. I turned onto my side and winced at how sore I was, I stretched experimentally and realized that sleeping on the couch had not been the best idea. I looked at the clock on my cable box; it was seven in the evening. My stomach growled at the knowledge; I hadn't eaten all day. I thought about ordering a pizza, but changed my mind; I needed to get out for a while.

I stood and went into the bathroom to take a shower, stopping to look at myself in the mirror. My hair stood out at every angle, I had dark circles under my eyes and a five o'clock shadow over my jaw. I let the hot water loosen the muscles of my back. When I got out I was still a little sore, but I could move without cringing at least.

I decided to walk despite the rain; I grabbed my oversized black umbrella on the way out. It wasn't terribly cold even with the downpour so I kept a fairly leisurely pace while I figured out what I wanted to eat. My favorite Chinese place was only a block over, so I headed in that direction.

When I saw her, I almost laughed out loud. What _was_ this? Was it always going to be this way?

She was paying for her order at the counter when I noticed her. I already had the door open, an elderly couple looked at me; I was blocking their exit. I stepped back to let them through, they muttered a quick "thanks" before walking out into the rain. I debated on just walking away; I didn't know if she'd want to see me, but decided against it. I stood outside under the awning and closed my umbrella before walking in. The cashier was busy making change and took no notice of me, but Bella looked up at the sound of the door opening and froze for just a moment before composing herself. I smiled at her, trying to feign casualness. "Hey Bella."

"Edward, hi." She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She took her change and bag from the cashier and stepped away from the counter toward me. "How've you been?" We both moved out of the doorway to stand next to an empty table.

"Good, you?" It was like my mind refused to work the way I needed it to.

"Good, really good actually," she smiled warmly at me, meeting my eyes. I wondered what she saw there.

"I'm glad, well; it was nice running into you. I won't keep you," I mentally berated myself for my sudden inability to make conversation.

"It was nice seeing you, I'm sure I'll run into you again sometime." She grinned quickly. "See you, Edward."

"Bye, Bella." I let out a deep breath as she walked out and walked up to the counter. I ordered and moved down the line of customers to pay. The cashier handed my bag to me and I turned to walk out.

Bella was standing in the doorway.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

* * *

Seven

Like with so many things, I had been wrong. I stood there while he tried to find the most polite way to reject me and all I could think was- why can't I be the one? I held no grudge against him, but I couldn't look into his eyes knowing that he didn't want me back.

_We fit together perfectly and my heart fluttered, thinking that it had some larger significance. I slid my hands to the buttons of his shirt and undid the top one; I felt the excitement twist in my stomach when he let me. And then he grabbed my hands and pushed them away._

"_Bella, we can't," he stopped there and I could feel it coming. _

"_But…I, I want to…I-" I tried to stop what I knew would be next, stumbling over my words in the process._

_He let go of me, "it's not right. I'm taking advantage of you this way."_

_For a split second I wanted to say that I didn't care, but that wasn't right. He wasn't taking advantage though…unless he didn't feel the same way I do. Did he see me as someone who could be taken advantage of? "You're not! I want this, I thought…" my words stopped as the thought took hold. How could I have gotten this so wrong? Of course it was all in my head; he didn't want me the same way I wanted him. "Oh." Was I a conquest? Or simply unwanted? "Oh."_

"_It's not that I don't want to, it's just-"_

_I tried to downplay what felt not unlike my heart breaking. "No, it's alright." Too many thoughts began running through my head. "I need to go." _

"_Bella, it's not like that, I-"_

"_I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here."_

_I had to leave before I completely humiliated myself._

I walked out to my car in the pouring rain; Edward followed not far behind. It made me feel worse; he was trying to take the sting out of what had just happened. I felt guilty; he was being nice about it when it was my misunderstanding to begin with. I left him standing out in the rain.

After that I went to Angela's apartment; I knew better than to wander around aimlessly in the rain. She let me go on and on about the mess I'd gotten myself into. It was the first time I'd said aloud what I felt for Edward. She listened patiently, knowing that I needed to let it out. After I'd worn myself out over-analyzing things, she finally spoke up. "Did he actually say he didn't have feelings for you?"

I pondered that, feeling stupid for missing the obvious. "Well no, but…he was going to." I nodded to myself.

"Are you sure?"

I couldn't say that I was.

We talked for a while about my relationship with James. I told her how I was afraid to break up with him since I had become so financially dependent on him. We talked about my book and she said she knew a book agent that might agree to speak with me.

When I went home that night, I broke up with James. I had realized that I didn't owe him anything, that he was the one taking advantage of me. He seemed amused by the whole thing, even after I told him I wanted him moved out within a week. His indifference infuriated me and after grabbing a few things I left telling him I'd be back in a week and that he had to be out. He didn't ask where I was going, who I was staying with; he just muttered a quick "whatever" and let me walk out the door. With that, I knew for sure I'd made the right decision.

It felt like the albatross was finally gone. About a week or so later I met with Angela's book agent friend for dinner. He agreed to take a look at my manuscript, which was a huge victory in and of itself. I met with him a few times over the course of the next month to discuss what our plans would be. He was going to New York, where he lives, to shop the book. He said we had a good chance at selling it, but I couldn't tell if he was just being overly optimistic or not. Either way, I was thrilled at the prospect.

Thrilled and miserable, if that was possible.

I missed Edward. He was the first and last face I saw every day, the one person I wished I could share all of this with. I went to his apartment once; I knocked and ended up waiting for almost an hour. I met with my agent that evening for the last time before he went back to New York, which was also the only reason I left after an hour. With as much nonchalance as I could muster, I asked if he was representing anyone else in the area. I hadn't forgotten what Edward said about his book idea. To my dismay, but not surprise, he said no.

A few days later I was sitting around my apartment which had become a habit of mine, when I decided to go out and pick up dinner. It would at least get me out of the apartment.

After James moved out, I got rid of all my bedding. For some reason, just washing everything wasn't enough for me. I stripped it down to the mattress and replaced everything. The sheets were now a warm cream color and the bedspread was a green that reminded me of Edward's eyes. Yeah, I know, I know. But now that project was over and I found myself spending a lot of time ruminating on what I should have done differently.

So I grabbed my sweatshirt and took myself out to dinner. In the car I decided on a little hole-in-the-wall Chinese place that had excellent food and happened to give me a chance to drive past Edward's apartment. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting to see, but the obsession seemed to have taken hold regardless. It was raining again and I didn't have my umbrella, so I rushed into the little restaurant from where my car was parked on the street. Inside it was warm and the smells made my stomach growl. I ordered and moved to pay at the other end of the counter. I heard the door open and automatically glanced toward the sound.

Edward.

I froze. He looked better than I'd remembered him. Truthfully, he looked exhausted, but you know what I mean. He had on a dark blue jacket and carried a closed black umbrella. I was suddenly very self conscious. I had on ratty old jeans and my favorite grey sweatshirt that I sometimes slept in.

"Hey Bella."

"Edward, hi." I couldn't get my brain to function; it was in too much shock. The cashier handed me my food and change and I was grateful for something to do. I stepped toward him. "How've you been?" Did you ever have feelings for me? I'm sorry I made all those stupid assumptions. I love you desperately. We moved to stand by an empty table.

"Good, you?"

"Good, really good actually." I have so much I want to tell you. I've missed you.

"I'm glad, well; it was nice running into you. I won't keep you."

Don't go! Not yet! "It was nice seeing you, I'm sure I'll run into you again sometime." I smiled as best I could. "See you, Edward." It felt good to say his name out loud.

"Bye, Bella."

I practically ran out into the rain. I was halfway to my car before I could form a coherent thought. _Are you stupid? This is your chance; you might not get another one._

It was enough to convince me to turn around. I walked back and opened the door.

He looked surprised to see me, ok, more than surprised and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Now I just needed to say something. "So, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have dinner with me? Since we're here already and all." I fought the compulsion to bite my lip while I waited for him to answer.

"Yes, I'd like that." He grinned in that lopsided way that gave me butterflies in my stomach. He gestured toward the empty table we'd been standing at moments before. He took a deep breath, "so how have you been really? In more detail," he smiled again.

"I got an agent," I beamed at him. "He's shopping my book around to publishers right now." I couldn't hide my excitement.

He smiled widely, "That's wonderful Bella really, I'm so happy for you." He tilted his head to the side slightly, "any other news?"

"Not really, what have you been doing?" I didn't know if I should mention James or not.

"I'm being published, I guess there are a couple of houses bidding on my book right now," he grinned part way. "And I'm going to quit the magazine. I've gotten tired of the wandering." He leaned his head on his hand.

"Congratulations, that's great." I felt at a loss for words after that. How much truth was I willing to spill tonight?

The silence that filled the next few moments was not as awkward as maybe it should have been; I felt comfortable enough not to fill it with idle conversation.

"Bella," he looked down at his food. "So, are you still living with James?"

I huffed a quick laugh. "No, we broke up about a month ago. He…he wasn't a good guy." That was stating the obvious. Edward nodded once and took a bite of food and then lifted one side of his mouth in a smile.

"When was the last time you were really happy?"

I smiled softly, remembering the first time he'd asked me that. "I'm happy now."

We finished our food and caught up on every minute detail of the time we'd spent apart, except for the part where I waited outside his door for an hour. By the time we finished eating, it had stopped raining. Edward invited me on a walk with him; it had turned into a nice night. We passed other couples and trees softly lit with white lights. After a while I felt Edward touch his hand to my waist and I relaxed into the arm that now curved around me. We walked down one side of the street and back up the other side like that. It had started to drizzle again, so we decided to call it a night; Edward opened his umbrella to share with me. My car was much too close for my liking. When we arrived at it, I tried to think of anything I could say to prolong the moment.

"Bella," he paused to catch my gaze. "I missed you."

I was sure he could hear my heart beating. I took a tiny step closer, "I missed you too."

With the umbrella in one hand, he cupped my face gently with the other. I tilted my face up, trying to let him know that I was more than willing. He leaned down torturously slowly until our lips met. I had no idea how much feeling could be contained in one kiss. All the questioning and uncertainty was swept away and it was just us, together in one quiet moment.

After I don't know how long, we had to come up for air. He moved his hand from my face to wrap around my middle and touched his forehead to mine. I wasn't quite finished yet though and I pressed my mouth to his again; this time the kiss took on a different meaning. I felt his tongue asking for entrance which made me feel like a solid current of electricity. He pressed himself to me and I was struck again by how perfectly we fit together. I could feel his tension building along with my own. I pulled away, practically gasping for air.

"I'm not ready for this day to be over," he said, his voice sounding deeper than usual.

"Stay with me then."

He grinned, his eyes shining, and kissed me again.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: Well I've come to the end of another one; this was quite the labor of love so thanks as always to those of you that read this whole thing. I have two new story ideas in the works right now, one has a partially finished first chapter and I hope you'll find it funny and the other is really sad and I'm not ready to start it yet. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one; it was fun and a bit exhausting to write.

Nice reviews are better than chocolate, unless maybe you're licking that chocolate off someone.

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Epilogue

Six Months Later

Edward and I are moving in together today. Well, technically we were living together already, but now we're moving into a new place. We'd both gotten to a position where we could afford something nicer than my tiny apartment. So it was moving day although admittedly, we weren't being very quick about it. Our food was in the fridge and the big things were set up, the sofa, a couple of chairs, the bookshelf, and the bed. Edward set up the bed first.

The books were all still in boxes save for two, Edward's and mine, which he'd set up on the top row all by themselves. Boxes were piled all over the place; I hadn't realized before how much a person could accumulate. We weren't entirely sure where to put them all, let alone unpack them. You see, the ones Edward packed on his own were marked very clearly – "kitchen", "bedroom", and so on. Mine on the other hand, were a little less organized – "misc. crap", "living room/bathroom" and the like. I still don't totally understand how he could fill a box with only kitchen supplies and make everything fit perfectly, but I was grateful for his organization.

I was going through a box marked "kitchen/bedroom" and Edward was carrying the coffee table into the living room, the last piece of furniture from my old apartment. "Ok, we're done." He announced, a satisfied smile on his face. I sat on top of the box that I'd just given up on and looked around.

"Does that mean everything can stay in the boxes? You know, if we turn the book boxes on their sides and open them up we don't even need to take the books out, homemade bookshelf," I nodded, feeling very pleased with myself. He chuckled and walked over to kneel in front of me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"That's an interesting idea." He moved his mouth to my neck, pressing a light kiss there, "I have a better one though." He stood us both up in one swift motion, lifting me so I could wrap my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bedroom and my Edward-green comforter.

We undressed each other slowly, Edward taking the time to graze his mouth over everything he uncovered. He made love like it was our first time together, with no rush, but with a depth of passion that always took my breath away. To hear his low moans and soft sighs was almost enough to take me over the edge.

Afterward, we lay tangled up under the covers and Edward's stomach growled noisily under my hand. I laughed quietly and looked up at him, "hungry?"

"Yeah, I tend to work up an appetite when I'm with you. I don't know why that is," he grinned lazily down at me. We stayed that way for a few more minutes, neither of us willing to leave the blissed out bubble we'd created. When Edward's stomach growled a second time, we pulled ourselves out of bed. I slipped on my favorite sweatshirt and watched Edward pull his jeans, sans underwear, up onto his hips. We walked out into the kitchen and he sat me up on the counter.

"Were you going to try and make something?" I asked while he rifled through one of the kitchen boxes. He let out a triumphant "Ha" when he found what he was looking for; he held up the frying pan and then handed it to me while he bent down to look for something else.

"Yes, the only thing I really can make." He prided himself on his omelet making skills. When he stood up with the spatula his pants were hanging a little lower on his hips. He reached into the fridge to pull out some eggs and whatever else he decided to put in them.

"Need any help?"

"No, just your company," he smiled quickly at me before getting to work with quite a bit of concentration considering it was just cooking. I enjoyed watching him when he was focused though, like most things he did; it was a turn on. In the middle of cracking an egg, he started singing Trenet's La Mer; I couldn't tell if he realized it or not. I sat watching him, completely absorbed in his French.

Edward had a knack for flipping the omelet in the air which I secretly think is why he liked making them so much. I grabbed plates and forks out of one of the Edward packed boxes and set them on the table. He flipped the omelets from the pan to the plates with a boyish grin.

"You're very talented," I mused. He kissed my forehead and tossed the pan and spatula into the sink before sitting down. We ate quietly, Edward pausing once to ask about the next book I was working on; I wouldn't share it with him until I was finished. I had been signed on for three more books and was slowly beginning the second of what was becoming a series.

The newspaper lay open at the other end of the table; Edward's book review on prominent display. They were comparing his writing to Jack Kerouac's. He never really said so, but I knew that made him proud.

After dinner I stood at the sink washing dishes. Edward dried them, reminding me that we had a working dishwasher. I told him how I'd gotten used to it living with my father, who didn't have one.

He put down the plate he was drying and stood behind me, arms around my middle, his head resting on my shoulder. He kissed my jaw once and moved his mouth to my ear. "Marry me, Bella," he murmured.

For a split second, everything froze. My parent's marriage flashed before my eyes – young and stupid. A painful divorce, something I'd promised myself would never happen to me.

And then new possibilities went through my head - a life together, a home, a child? – one with his eyes and cheekbones, my hair color. Could that be my life?

An entire life with Edward suddenly seemed like not enough time.

"Yes," I said it quietly, trying not to hyperventilate at the chance I was taking. He was very still for a moment, his mouth still by my ear. I felt him exhale a soft sigh and then he turned me to face him. I couldn't think of anything to say so I met his eyes, trying to convey what I couldn't verbalize with my expression. Edward seemed to see what he was looking for and a slow grin formed on his face. He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me deeply.

"I love you," he said against my mouth, then pulled away enough to look at my face.

I realized then that this was how it would always be, and how it always had been.

end


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